


Secret Artist

by Twyd



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Angst, Animals, Art, Birds, Crushes, Denial of Feelings, Fame, Fluff, Hidden Talents, M/M, Pre-Slash, Pseudonyms, Secret Crush, Slash, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-02 19:25:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15803028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twyd/pseuds/Twyd
Summary: Izaya hasn't drawn since school.





	Secret Artist

Namie leaves after dismissing Izaya’s offer of hot pot. Well, whatever, it’s not like he cares. He fiddles with his computer before shutting it down. He needs to shake off this feeling. He wanders round his apartment, perusing his books and old files for something to do. He can’t be bothered going all the way to Ikebukuro now. His hand comes to rest on an old hardback sketchbook.

Izaya hasn’t drawn since school. His favourite subject was birds; cranes, magpies, doves, cuckoos, bluebirds, peacocks, swans. Simple and beautiful and free. Despite his love for urban life, he’d never had much knack for drawing buildings or people. He would spend hours over peacocks, blending shades of green and blue on each feather. He remembers the last peacock he drew at a wildlife park, bored on a school trip. It had been looking over its shoulder as if admiring itself, and he he was able to take a photo to continue at his leisure. It won him 100000 yen in a school competition. He doesn’t know where that picture is now. Probably with all his parents’ junk.

He doesn’t know what brings the old itch back now, as he wipes the dust off the book’s cover. He’s bored, restless, dejected, but there is always something to do, always something going on with someone. Art is not productive. But he lets his urge lead him like he’s half asleep, digs out some pencils and heads outside.

There are no birds in this work. He simply draws the cherry blossoms falling. It is simple and soothing, unpretentious as flowing water. The ground and even the tree trunks themselves are unclear, suggestions in the background. The blossoms are in varying shades of pink. It is a soft and feminine picture. He looks at it and sighs. They’re never as good as in his head. He flips a page and starts something else.

-

He has a meeting with Shiki at an open-air rooftop bar over the Seibu department store. He gets there early. It was never a good idea to keep Shiki waiting. He takes a seat on the bench circling the fountain to wait.

As he’s early, he takes out his sketchbook and puts the finishing touches to the birds of paradise he’d been working on. Now he’s started, since the cherry blossoms, he’s almost feverish with it, but tries not to take it too seriously. He’s an informant, after all.

He soon loses himself in what he’s doing. By the time he looks up, Shiki is standing over him, just far away enough to not cast a shadow. Izaya jumps. Iizaya had sort of felt himself being watched but had taken no notice - people watch him draw all the time.

“You’re early,” he yelps now, shutting his sketchbook.

“So are you,” Shiki smirks. “I had no idea you could draw. Let’s see.”

“It’s just a bit of fun,” Izaya says, colouring. “It’s no good.”

“Show me anyway,” he commands.

Izaya slides the book over to him, and Shiki sits down to flip through it.

“Get us some drinks, would you,” he says, passing Izaya his wallet without looking up. “Dry martini.”

Izaya sighs inaudibly and goes. He needs to sharpen up. Shiki already looked down at him a little due to his age. Izaya didn’t want to encourage him.

“You’re good,” Shiki says, when Izaya returns. He sounds put-out, as if Izaya had deliberately deceived him.

Izaya gives a self-conscious little laugh.

“It’s just a bit of fun.”

“You know we use an art gallery for our operations,” Shiki says, still sounding reproachful.

“You have pictures in there already.”

“I have two.” Shiki counters, looking thoughtful. “But anyway, how much work do you have? Maybe we could put some of it in a local art show.”

Izaya laughs again. He can’t believe they’re still talking about this.

“Ah, that’s sweet Shiki-san, but no-one’s going to buy some unknown- “

“Do you think I don’t know what I’m talking about?”

Izaya falters, unsure if he’s offended the other man.

“Do you?” he says tentatively. “I mean, you don’t deal in art…”

“I used to,” Shiki says, flipping through Izaya’s sketchbook again, which is embarrassing as a lot of it is half finished, strange or just no good. “I still have a lot of contacts.”

Damn Shiki, always out for a business opportunity.

He continues, “Of course we’d want to take a cut, but you could still make plenty yourself. You have a good eye and style.”

Izaya bites his lip, not liking where this is going.

“I just...I don’t think it’ll get the kind of returns you’re used to. And anyway, people won’t buy any of it once they know it's me.”

“Then why not use a pseudonym?” Shiki suggests. “It’ll be a good PR angle too, more intriguing.”

“Like a shit Banksy,” Izaya laughs, though he’s a little unnerved. Shiki sounds like he’s taking this seriously.

Shiki doesn’t smile. He is looking at the cherry blossoms again.

“I know it won’t have a great return,” he says thoughtfully. “But I just have a hunch. Why don’t you pick say three of these - including the cherry blossoms - and scale them up a size, and we’ll see how we do.”

“I don’t know, Shiki,” Izaya starts. “I have a lot of work on the moment for my actual job, and that’s what’s important to me. I’m not really interested in taking this further.”

“Really?” Shiki says, finally looking at him. “You don’t care about this at all?”

“Well, no.  I - “

He lets out a cry then as Shiki suspends his sketchbook over the water. They stare at each other, frozen in place. Shiki’s eyebrows raise, his point made. He hands the sketchbook back unscathed.

“Start with the cherry blossoms,” he says with finality, like nothing had happened, as Izaya hugs his book to his chest. He takes out his notebook. “Now, here’s what I actually brought you here for…”

-

All his works at the local art show are sold. He’s unprepared for this, almost a little put out that he won’t see any of them again. He sort of liked the cherry blossoms. He’s also skeptical. Did Shiki’s ‘help’ involve coercing people into buying his stuff? Shiki had laughed at the suggestion, but that wasn’t exactly reassuring.

His biggest personal success though is the cornflowers. The cornflowers were the second work he had ‘scaled’ at Shiki’s request; simple blue cornflowers in a glass vase. He had spotted them in a florists on his way home, and found them such a pleasing shade of blue that he had to draw them. He had bought the clear glass vase they’re in at a department store next to the florists, and gone straight home to get started.

At first he tried to work in his room, deciding against it on account of the mess; it’s been a while since he painted. Namie had raised her eyebrows but said nothing. She may be the only fly in the ointment in terms of his anonymity, but her inertia will probably keep her from causing trouble. He was quieter now anyway, concentrating, so she was probably happy. But why is he thinking about Namie? The cornflowers!

The cornflowers had been exhibited with other local art on the side of the road by Sunshine City. Izaya had been casually weaving through the different works, trying to mask his amazement that most of his had a red circle indicating ‘sold’ on them, at the empty spaces were people had taken his work home with them there and then. Izaya’s signature is ineligible on all of the works.

Spotting Shizuo and Tom, Izaya had automatically ducked behind one of the boards displaying works and waited for them to pass. When they didn’t, he peeked through a crack to see what was going on. Shizuo had stopped in front of the cornflowers and stared and stared at them, until Tom, exasperated, said, “Buy it or I’m buying it for you.”

And so Shizuo had bought it while Izaya looked on in amazement. Shizuo’s shift with Tom must have been over, because they wrapped it up for him to take with him. He looked a little self-conscious, as if it were his first time buying art.

Izaya had gone home and laughed and laughed.

He draws more blue after that, but he can never quite capture what he had with the cornflowers. It was pointless copying Picasso anyway.

After getting over his delight with Shizuo’s purchase, the novelty wears off and he doesn’t expect much to come of the whole thing. His art makes a pittance compared to his real occupation. His pseudonym does well locally in terms of reputation though, so Shiki is happy, and wants him to keep it up.

But, it soothes him in a way he hadn’t felt for a long time, clears his head and connects him with the world. He goes back to birds. A series of crows. An albatross. Hummingbirds. Parrots (which are surprisingly hard). Herons. Koi carp, when he tries to expand out of birds.

At another local show, Izaya catches Shizuo looking at another of his works with particular wistfulness. Two magpies, two for joy. Izaya personally thought it was one of his best, but it had been in circulation for a while with no interest. He had no eye for the commercial side of things. That was more Shiki’s game. Izaya’s heart throbs now in his hiding place behind the board, but Shizuo doesn’t buy this one. He squints at the signature before leaving.

Without saying anything to Shiki, or reasoning it through in his head, Izaya withdraws the work from the exhibition and ships it to Shizuo anonymously. It wasn’t worth very much, anyway.

-

A third!!! Well, technically Shizu-chan has only paid for two now, but still!! A third painting of Izaya’s is going home with Shizuo! Izaya is so ecstatic that he forgets to hide himself properly when Shizuo passes.

“The fuck you laughing at,” the other man growls, shifting the painting under his arm. “So what if I want to buy some art?”

“I’m just dying to get a look at Shizu-chan’s terrible taste. Can I see?” He didn’t see which one it was.

“No.” Shizuo takes off without another word, apparently too protective of the painting to abandon it and start a fight. Izaya looks after him with his heart swelling.

-

He is at home drawing flamingoes when Shizuo calls. Dancing flamingos. He’s in a good mood.

“Did you send me a painting?”

Izaya freezes.

“What?”

“The signature looks kinda like your handwriting.”

“That’s ridiculous, Shizu-chan,” he laughs, loosening.  He was worried he may have accidentally left a more damning clue. “Why would I send you a painting?”

“I dunno. Maybe it’s stolen. Or maybe you put a curse on it.”

“Of course,” he sniggers. Then he pauses and says casually, “Are you going to throw it away then, just in case?”

“No,” he says grudgingly. “It’s really good.”

A little wave of pleasure goes up Izaya’s spine.

Then Shizuo says,

“I showed it to Shinra too, and he says it looked like the sort of stuff you did in school, only better. Same style. Handwriting too.”

His stomach lurches. Fucking Shinra. Izaya will kill him. But it’s really his own fault. How could he be so stupid, sending Shizuo his work?

“It’s good,” Shizuo offers again, sounding uncomfortable with the silence.

“Why would I send you a painting Shizuo?” Izaya says coldly. “Whether I authored it or not? Which I didn’t. I haven’t picked up a brush since school. I’m far too busy.”

“That’s what I’d like to know too,” Shizuo says, ignoring the last part.

Izaya scowls down the phone. He forces airiness into his tone.

“You can pay me a commission if you’re so convinced I did it.”

“I wanna see you draw something,” Shizuo insists. “In front of me. I’ll buy you a cheap sketchbook and pencils. You can do some quick drawings and I’ll see if it's you or not.”

“As _fun_ as that sounds I’m just far too busy for that kind of- “

“Come on. I’ll buy you whatever art stuff you want.”

“This is unbelievable.” Izaya lets out a high pitched giggle. “All right, fine, if you’re so insistent on wasting both of our time. Meet me at the art shop by Sunshine. You’ll buy me whatever I want – not that I particularly _want_ any art crap as I have no use for it - and I’ll draw for you.”

“Fine.”

Shizuo hangs up.

Izaya laughs to himself with delight. What an idiot. He could easily fake something, and get a free sketchbook and supplies out of it, and Shizuo would be none the wiser! He can’t wait.

-

He meets Shizuo at the art shop right on time. He loves it here - this branch is always less crowded than the Shinjuku one, and had just the right amount of choice without getting overwhelming. He’d already browsed the website to pick what he wanted, as gazing adoringly and touching everything in that beautiful shop would be a bit suspicious.

The girl behind the counter however is familiar with him and smiles in recognition she wraps up their purchases, something that makes Shizuo frown.

“Nice store, this,” Izaya says awkwardly, once they’re out of earshot. “Hasn’t changed a bit since I used to come here after school.”

“Oh yeah? That 21 one year old clerk worked here when we were in school, huh?”

“You shouldn’t make assumptions about people’s age Shizu-chan, it’s very rude,” Izaya says quickly. “Shall we go to the park?”

They cross the road to the small, shaded area by Sunshine City. Other than a few workers on lunch, and an old man doing tai-chi, they are alone. Izaya unconsciously leads them to sit by the fountain, where he normally likes to work. Shizuo looks at him expectantly. Izaya smirks, pencil in hand. He tries not to show how pleased he is with the new sketchbook.

“What would you like me to draw?”

“Anything.” Shizuo looks like he is starting to regret this idea. It didn’t help that Izaya had chosen a high quality (expensive) sketchpad and colouring set. “You draw birds, right? There are some pigeons over there.”

“Pigeons? How charming.”

He sets to work, not even looking at them properly.  He distorts their shape and perspective. As a subject they’re actually not bad; the sunlight lands on the green and lilac area of their feathers, making them almost shimmer, and they peck around in each in an endearing kind of way. Izaya will have to come back and work on them in private to do them justice. That could never be made available to the public, of course. No-one would buy a work of pigeons in a grotty mall park anyway.

“You’re faking!” Shizuo says, when Izaya presents his finished, barely high-school standard work.

Izaya shrugs.

“It’s been a long time, Shizu-chan. What’s that old saying - if you don’t use it, you lose it?”

Shizuo ignores this.

“Do your signature.”

Izaya does so with a flourish, the characters miles from the scribble he usually puts on his works.

Shizuo gets up in disgust and walks away.

“I told you!” Izaya shouts after him.

Shizuo doesn’t even bother looking round.

Izaya waits until he’s left the park, waits another minute to be safe, then turns to a new page. He brings the shimmer of the feathers to life, softens their faces, pouring the thrill of Shizuo’s gifts and his attention into the birds. They’re kind of cute.  He plays with their sizes, making two of them slightly smaller, so they look like a family having lunch.

He loses all sense of time as he works. Different pigeons come and go, of course, but once he gets their basic form down he only needs to glance at them for reference. He’s still not satisfied once he’s done. He starts to sketch some nearby crows instead, as glistening and real as he can make them.

The sun starts to set, but he doesn’t want to stop. There is a cosiness about his pictures, comforting and everyday. It gets cold, and he becomes vaguely aware of an ache in his shoulders. He chuckles at his efforts. Pigeons. The crows were OK, but no-one would buy a drawing of pigeons even if Da Vinci himself had authored it.

He lifts his head, still smiling as his eyes refocus on the rest of the world - and stiffens. Shizuo is sitting on the wall near the fountain, watching him. The cigarette butts by his shoes suggest he has been there for some time. He is grinning all over his face.

“I knew it.”

Izaya slams the book shut like he’s been caught doing something dirty.

“Fuck you, Shizu-chan.”

“Why are you so shy about it? You’re good. If _I’m_ saying that you know it must be true.”

“How the hell would you know?”

“OK, so I’m not some cultured art critic. But they’re still good, anyone with eyes can see that.”

This throws Izaya so much that he can’t speak.

“...why the hell did you spy on me?” he says when he’s recovered. “What does it matter to you if I can draw?”

“You sent me one of them,” he reminds him, making Izaya flush. Shizuo gets up and comes over casually to sit next to him. “Can I see?”

“No. They’re just doodles. They’re just pigeons.”

“Come on, you were working on it for ages. You must have put a lot of effort into it.”

“Shiki serves as my agent and dealer, Shizu-chan,” Izaya says, trying to sound menacing. “He wanted me to be anonymous. He will - _take care_ of you if he finds out you’re making trouble.”

“But I’m not making trouble,” Shizuo says placidly. “I’m not gonna out you. And anyway, Shinra’s already a little suspicious. Ditto your sisters. Come on, let me see the pigeons. I’ll buy you more arty stuff.”

Seeing he’s not going to give up, Izaya thrusts the sketchbook at him in disgust.

“Neat,” Shizuo says over the pigeons, still grinning. “They’re so cute. They’re like a little family.” He turns to the crows. “They look so real. I want to stroke them.”

Izaya grumbles something under his breath, unsure if Shizuo is winding him up or not. All the  birds have long gone now, and they’re alone in the park.

“Are you going to put this in a show?”

Izaya smiles despite himself.

“I was thinking about that before. No-one would buy a picture of pigeons or crows, no matter how good it is. They’re like rats, or flies.”

“Or fleas.”

“Haha.”

Izaya takes the sketchpad back. Shizuo lets it go reluctantly.

“Can I have it then?”

“No.”

“Why? I won’t tell anyone you did it.”

“No, Shizu-chan.”

“Why’d you send me stuff?”

Izaya bristles, taken off guard. “I sent you _one_ work that wasn’t selling very well. It was a marketing idea of Shiki’s. To pick the most worthless and quickly drawn ones and send them out to a few folk who showed interest.”

“Really? I haven’t heard of that happening to anyone else.”

“Well, the sales show it worked,” Izaya says coldly.

“I don’t think the sales had anything to do with a marketing scheme,” Shizuo says, shaking his head. “Hey, can I commission you to do something? It’s my brother’s birthday soon, and he liked that cornflower picture I bought.”

“I...don’t know,” he says, flustered. “I’ll have to ask Shiki.”

“It’d be my brother’s cat,” Shizuo goes on, as if Izaya had agreed. “I look after it a lot when he’s filming. I can bring it to your place, or you can come to mine and work on it there, if you don’t want to have the litter tray in your apartment.”

Izaya looks at him incredulously.

“Are you hearing yourself, Shizu-chan? This is me, Izaya, you’re talking to.”

“Yeah, but,” Shizuo shrugs, looking uncomfortable. “I want to get my brother something really nice and special. Something you draw just for him would make him really happy.”

Izaya looks away, uncomfortable. It is almost too dark to see now, the only flicker of light coming from the streetlamps at the park’s border.

“Why animals?” Shizuo asks all of a sudden.

“People are too complicated.” He pauses. “Some landscapes too, and buildings. Still-lifes are usually too boring. Not that animals are especially interesting, it’s just, something about them is easy to capture and play with.”

He finds himself blushing and is glad of the dark. He’s never been this candid with anyone before.

“All animals?”

“Except parrots.”

“Parrots?”

Izaya nods with real vindictiveness. Parrots will be the death of him. All other birds were easy and beautiful. Free, elegant, building nests for their young, singing to each other to attract a mate, gliding over water…Trees were nice too. Maple trees, persimmon trees, cherry blossoms of course…

“Maybe you should get a pet bird,” Shizuo says, interrupting his inner swoon.

“No.”

“Not a parrot.”

“No.”

“It’d be cute to hear it imitating you.”

“That’s myna birds. Parrots just copy what you say, they don’t mimic your voice.”

_Myna birds, now that’s a subject he hasn’t covered..._

Shizuo finally gets up to go.

“I really want to commission something for my brother, OK?” he says. “Let me know when you can do it.”

He walks off and leaves Izaya sitting there in the dark, trying to work out what had happened.

-

This conversation leaves Izaya unsettled and confused. He stops drawing for a while and tries to focus on his real job. After a catch-up with Masaomi however, he draws three baby birds in a nest below a circling hawk. He works it into a painting and expects it to easily sell - it’s dark and clever and neatly executed - but no-one seems to like it at all. Oh well.

He moves on, paints the moon alone with no stars, it's crescent sharp enough to cut.

His period of dark, unpopular works continue for some time. Tired of his output, he heads to his usual spot in the park and tries to absorb the content of others passing through, trying not to feel depressed. It’s a sunny weekend, with plenty of families and cosplayers, ice-creams and hand-holding. The annual Jazz Festival is in full swing near the station - a jaunty sax can be heard in the distance.

Birds don’t really grab him today. He draws the sea. It comes out churning and dark, in contrast to the golden sun. It’s pathetic. He turns over and starts to sketch a house. The kind of house he’d always secretly wanted to live in, with kids and a cat and a south-facing bedroom where the sunset would cover everything in gold...this is even worse.

He sighs and looks up. He has to blink to refocus his eyes, and stares.

Shizuo is in the park, a little way off by the fountain, on his back in the sun with his hands behind his head. His eyes are closed. Izaya starts to draw him on autopilot. The angle isn’t quite right, but he doesn’t dare move any closer.

Time escapes him. The music has longed ended, the shade elongating from Izaya’s spot to cover the whole park. Shizuo blinks when the sun leaves and sits up. Prepared for this, Izaya neatly averts his gaze and pretends to be sketching the fountain instead. He furtively flips a few pages when Shizuo is rubbing his eyes.

He snaps the book shut when the other man comes over.

“Let’s see,” Shizuo says, grinning.

“No.”

“Come on. I’ll buy you a Starbucks.”

“I don’t want a Starbucks.”

“You sure? It’s hot, and I bet you’ve been here for a while.”

Damn Shizuo and his psychological tricks. Now Izaya wants a Starbucks.

“Iced coffee,” he mutters. “Unsweetened. I might show you a sketch or two.”

Izaya does a quick sketch of the fountain while Shizuo is getting coffee.

“Can I watch you draw?” the other man asks when he’s back.

“If you want,” Izaya grumbles.

He turns the fountain into a lily pond with swimming turtles. It’s easy, nothing special, but Shizuo looks impressed.

“You’re really good,” Shizuo says, with none of his usual growl. “When can you do my brother’s cat?”

-

After leaving Shizuo, Izaya meets Shiki at the Awakusu-Kai, otherwise known as the ‘art gallery.’ He blinks at the cherry blossoms over Shiki’s desk. He didn’t think he’d ever see that again. Shiki smiles at the look of surprise on his face.

“That was one of my first works since school,” Izaya says, a little shyly, as he takes a seat. “I’m guessing it’s here because it didn’t sell.”

“Oh, it sold. I bought it, commission free. The others scoff at it being so feminine, but I like it. Were you thinking about a woman when you did it?”

“No,” Izaya says, colouring. He hates being asked what he thinks about when he works. “I wasn’t thinking of anything.”

Shiki chuckles at him.

“Look at you all sensitive. You’re the absolute stereotype of a starving artist, except you can actually afford to eat.”

Izaya sees him looking at the paint stains on his palms that he’d somehow failed to notice and hides his hands, mortified.

“Didn’t you ever think about becoming an artist full time?” Shiki asks him.

“Not this again,” Izaya groans.

The idea is unbearable. He gets close to people as an informant, understands them and follows them through their ups and downs. If he did nothing but art he’d go out of his mind with loneliness. It was fine for those who had a family, or older people who had a house and grandkids, but that would never happen. Plus, he may be on a creative kick now, but he feels it must die out sooner or later, and then where will he be? He makes sure to keep up with his information projects, even if Shiki won’t give him any anymore.

“But don’t you think it would make you happy?” Shiki persists. “What do your parents think you do for a living?”

“They think I’m a translator,” he says. “It’s sort of true, I’ve done bits, but, you can’t live in Shinjuku on freelance translating. I mean, I even did some of Dostoevsky's short stories once that I was super stoked about, and…”

He catches the look on Shiki’s face and shuts up.

“Art and Dostoyevsky,” Shiki muses. “It’s like I don’t know you at all.”

“Don’t be so judgemental,” Izaya huffs.

“Anyway,” Shiki says, barely repressing a laugh. “What can I do for you?”

Oh, right.

“Someone I know has commissioned me to do something for their brother’s birthday. How do I, er, go about that, commissions and stuff?”

“It’s good of you to come to me, but if its a friend I think you can decide that sort of thing for yourself, without me getting involved. I can give you an idea, but it’s up to you whether you want to give a friendly discount.”

Izaya nods, not bothering to tell Shiki it wasn’t a friend. He just needs a basic pricing framework.

“It’s a good idea,” Shiki says thoughtfully. “My wife’s birthday is coming up also.”

“Why not give her that,” Izaya says, nodding at the cherry blossoms.

“No, no, that’s staying right here,” he says, smiling. “I’ll think about it. Maybe you could draw our cat. He tends to sleep for about 20 hours, so he’s the perfect model. I can bring him here one day.”

“OK.” Izaya senses he may be drawing a lot of cats in the near future.

“Akabayashi would also like you to draw the koi in his back garden, when you have a moment.”

Izaya opens his mouth to say that that’s a bit much, that he’s an informant first and foremost, but Shiki dismisses him with a flick of his hand and goes back to his paperwork.

-

Next thing he knows, he’s at Shizuo’s apartment one Sunday afternoon to draw his brother’s cat. He’d chosen Shizuo’s apartment as the venue simply because he’s nosy, and he thinks it will annoy Shizuo. He smiles at his work on the walls and says nothing.

Shizuo only has a studio apartment, so it’s not like he can go in another room. He reads and listens to headphones in the background, as Izaya tells him he can’t watch because it will put him off. He feels Shizuo furtively watching him anyway, but says nothing. He waits until Shizuo goes to the bathroom to get up and stroke the cat and rub noses with it, who nuzzles him sleepily. He likes cats. The afternoon melts away.

Shizuo is happy with the end result. Izaya himself is happy with it. Cats always turned out well. It helped that they could nap in the same position for hours on end without so much as twitching. The cat gets up and stretches lazily when Shizuo prepares its food. It comes over and rubs against Izaya lazily.

“That’s funny, it normally takes him a while to get used to new people,” Shizuo remarks.

“He’s probably flattered by all my attention.”

Izaya’s restless and happy after drawing Shizuo’s cat. They’d drank tea afterwards and hadn’t killed each other. Namie had given him a funny look when he’s practically skipped into the apartment, his fingers smudged with pencil. At home, Izaya’s chest is still thumping with pleasure. He wants to keep working. He drags out his huge sketchpad that he had recently bought and hadn’t yet touched, one that could fit an easel, and begins to work at random. A being starts to take shape. Feathers. Pride and fury. Beautiful and golden and raging with power.

It is the phoenix that gets him in an international newspaper.

-

“We have to out you, Izaya,” Shiki tells him. “People are curious. It’ll come out sooner or later, and it’s better if we control it rather than let it happen organically.”

Izaya scowls at the press release on Shiki’s desk.

Since his publicity had increased, his anonymity is threatened by two further sources. One was Shinra, being the only one who knew how much time and effort he put into his work at school, and would probably recognise the style, if he ever chanced to pass the exhibitions or read the art sections of local papers and magazines. Chances of either of those happening were slim. An art exhibition would have to set up shop within his very bedroom before he took his eyes off Celty. That left Izaya’s sisters.

They say nothing to him, but Izaya receives an unexpected email from his mother, containing the disturbing lines of “so proud of you, darling, you were always so talented at school,” “have some old paintings of yours somewhere if you want to exhibit them - but don’t sell them, we want to keep them!” “why the anonymity??”

Why indeed. And there was the threat of Shiki, of course.

“But what would I have to do, exactly?” he says. “Interviews about my inspirations? Attend exhibitions? _Speeches_?”

“That would be the idea,” Shiki says laconically.

“But lots of artists don’t like a fuss,” he points out.

“The shy and retiring type, yes. But when people find out its you, I think they will be very interested in knowing what you have to say.”

“I don’t have anything to say,” he complains. “I just like drawing. Ideas just come to me. Some are OK, some are terrible. People seem to like them a lot, which is great. That’s it.”

“And that’s all you need to say,” Shiki says. “It doesn’t need to be ‘ _I had a dream_.’

-

Still on a high from the success of the phoenix (the _personal_ success, he was thrilled at how it turned out, though its commercial success hadn’t hurt either), Izaya goes to the zoo to draw the lions. He had been self-conscious about this. Did people go to the zoo alone? Zoos were a place for families and dates. That’s why he hadn’t been to one in years. What if people thought he was a padoephile.

Shiki had dismissed this at once.

“Go and draw the bloody lions if that’s what you want to do,” he had said. He is still a little annoyed at Izaya’s resistance to revealing his identity. “Go in school hours. No-one will bother you.”

And they didn’t. A few zoo-goers gave his work a cursory glance, but no-one spoke to him. And it wasn’t depressing, being there alone. He was far too absorbed to feel depressed.

One of the lions was sleeping, so he uses a little artistic license for the eyes, making them extra gold, adding the kind of fantastical touch that had made the phoenix so popular. He stays until closing time, takes a few photos for reference to work on it at home. The lion is also a big hit.

“I see a theme emerging here,” Shiki says, comparing prints of the phoenix and the lion.

“Two isn’t enough to make a theme.”

“Draw more then,” Shiki says pointedly.

Izaya ignores him, goes home and draws the sun and the moon all weekend. This is hard. He knew it would be a challenge, but it’s even harder than he expected. He googles artworks online, trying to decide how realistic vs how fantastical to make it. He even goes to an observatory, which doesn’t help, although it is sort of fun. He stares at the paper for a long time, stuck. _What am I trying to do? The sun and the moon. Opposites moving in parallel. Hot and cold, day and night-_

Someone knocks on the door. He answers without thinking. He is beginning to care less and less about his informant reputation.

It is Shizuo. The other man blinks a bit at the paint smears on Izaya’s usually pristine appearance.

“Oil paints,” Izaya says, a little self-consciously. “It’s my first time using them.”

“You should get a little pinafore,” Shizuo says, grinning.

“Yeah, right. I’d rather be naked.”

He flushes, realising what he’s said. The silence is heavy. Izaya avoids his eyes. Shizuo pushes him back into the apartment and kisses him.

-

Izaya scraps his first moon and sun work and creates a much, much better one. He takes a photo of it and sends it to Shizuo.

The sun and moon work - and not to mention the impromptu sex with Shizuo - had somehow unleashed a perverse side to him, creating works that would never see the light of day, that must be kept away from Shiki - and anyone with eyes - at all costs. A naked, muscular man coiled in a giant snake. A lion and a panther cuddling. This one looks innocent enough, but somehow has an erotic air to it. _I am such a loser_ , he would think, and then keep drawing regardless.

Deciding he’s earned a break, he heads to Russia Sushi. He tends to forget to eat as he works, or if he does he will have something preparation free, like rice crackers. He’s suddenly realised that he’s starving.

Shinra is there, looking sheepish for some reason. Perhaps Izaya has somehow annoyed Celty again and Shinra is caught in the middle.

“Izaya,” Simon booms, as the informant reaches the bar. “I want to commission you to draw me a thing.”

Izaya turns a murderous look to Shinra, who had heard this - everyone heard - but is pretending terribly hard that he hadn’t. Izaya turns back to Simon with a tight smile.

“I’m sorry Simon, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I would like you to draw Russian forest,” he continues, as if Izaya hadn’t said anything.

“I’m not - what do you mean, a Russian forest? Like, the entire thing? Or a scene within a Russian forest, or what?”

“Yes,” Simon says placidly, as if any of these would do.

“A Russian forest," Izaya repeats deliberately. “It’s a bit big, isn’t it?”

“You could do...how you say, a mural. I wanted it here but Dennis say no,” Simon indicates the wall, looking sad.

Izaya stares at him.

“I’m a city kid, Simon. I’ve barely seen any Japanese forests, let alone a Russian one.”

“You can go to one,” Simon says, as if it were as simple as going to the shops. “You make lots of money from famous phoenix.”

That bloody phoenix. He should have just kept it in his room.

“Excuse me,” he says tightly, and marches over to Shinra. Shinra gives a grimace of a smile, then winces when he sees this won’t wash. “I’m sorry Izaya, it just sort of slipped out,” he whines. “People were gonna find out anyway.”

“Bullshit, ‘ it just slipped out.’ You’ve kept Celty’s secret for how many years? How come that hasn’t ‘slipped out?’ ”

“Well, why didn’t you do me one of your bird drawings?” Shinra says, sounding put out. “Seems like the entire town’s got one except me. And Simon, apparently.”

“Maybe because they commissioned them which you’re welcome to do, by the way.” He lowers his voice. “But don’t tell any more people, OK? Seriously.”

Shinra is not the only one with complaints. Kine is in town, and eyes the cherry blossoms jealously whenever he is in the office.

“It’s my birthday next week,” Shiki says leisurely, rubbing it in. “Think of something else for the office, would you?”

“Of course,” Izaya drawls. “Circling vultures, perhaps?”

“You’ve drawn how much for this guy and nothing for me?” Kine says, sounding plaintive.

“Sorry, Kine,” Izaya says guiltily. “I’ll draw you whatever you want.”

“Nice. Mm, let me think now, you must be sick of drawing birds...how about a tiger? No, you’re probably be sick of cats too.”

“Draw him a bear,” Shiki suggests. “As he’s always mothering you.

“How about drawing me a dead Shiki?” Kine shoots in response.

Izaya tunes them out as they bicker, putting the finishing touches to his latest work; two swans with their necks entwined.

-

He starts Kine’s work the next morning. The other man had finally requested a work of rabbits.

“Rabbits?” Izaya had repeated. He had been expecting (and sort of hoping for) a falcon, or maybe a golden eagle, or a majestic white horse, or -

“Rabbits are lucky animals,” Kine had said, undeterred. “They’re nimble and courageous in the face of danger.”

Fair enough.

Shizuo - who is now over rather a lot - sees him working on this and also requests a bunny. Then Izaya’s sisters want one each, so he’s quite sick of them before long.

His phone pings. The text from Shizuo sends him cold.

_I didn’t do it._

He quickly goes online. Damn Shiki. The he goes out to buy a local paper to confirm its not a hoax. Lots of people looking at him curiously as he passes. He fingers his face and hair self-consciously, wondering if he had paint-splashes again. Back in the safety of his apartment, he finds the right page and sees his own face staring back at him.

“I can take that afternoon off, yes?” Namie calls, in her usual drone. “As you’ll be busy preparing.”

“You’re coming?” he says, surprised.

She glowers at him.

“Of course not, but that doesn’t mean I have to sit here doing nothing.”

Fair enough.

“While we’re on the subject,” she continues boredly. “It appears my brother’s taste in art is as lousy as his taste in women.  How much for a commission for his birthday?”

-

Quite a crowd has gathered for Izaya’s Q and A. He’d been determinedly ignoring proceedings for the last couple of weeks, refusing to read the articles and press releases about him, letting Shiki take care of everything, and reality hits him now like a smack in the face. He peeks round the curtain and whimpers.

Shiki is not sympathetic.

“Don’t be so precious, Izaya. You know half these people,” he says impatiently.

“That’s the problem,” Izaya whines. “What if they throw things?”

“Then I’ll kill them,” Shiki says, as if it were as simple as dimming the lights, pushing him towards the podium.

“You promise?”

“I don’t make idle threats.”

Izaya finds he can’t actually look at any of the people once he’s in front of them. He has no idea which of his acquaintances are there and doesn’t want to know. He looks at a point over their heads to address them.

“Thank you for coming. This is weird. Um, I’ve been drawing since I was a kid, for fun, but I never imagined it would get so much interest. So, um, thank you. I’m really flattered. I’m happy to take any questions.”

Several hands shoot up in the air.

“ _Do you love animals?”_

“I like drawing them,” he answers carefully. “But I’m not a massive animal person.  I don’t have any pets.”

“ _What inspires you?”_

He groans inside. He hates this one.  I just work with whatever ideas I get.”

Several questions come at once.

“ _Who are your favourite artists?”_

“ _How long do you spend on each piece?”_

“ _What are you working on at the moment?”_

Izaya glances at Shiki for help.

“ _Are you in a relationship?”_ Someone shouts suddenly.

Clearly a reporter and not someone who knows him.The rest go quiet, waiting to hear what he will say. He feels a stab of panic as they look at him expectantly. So he fools around with Shizuo now and then. Did that equate to a relationship? Shizuo would be in the crowd, and if he wasn’t he would hear all about this. Izaya agonises briefly.

“It’s complicated,” he says eventually, making them laugh. They move on just like that, and he can relax.

“ _Can you draw my portrait?”_ Someone else shouts.

“Sorry, I can’t do portraits. I’m terrible at drawing people.”

“ _Why the pseudonym?”_

He shrugs.

“Why not? It doesn’t matter who I am. But someone told me it would come out eventually, and it has.”

“ _You’re knocking out works at a remarkable speed. Have you always found it this easy?”_

“I...wouldn’t say it’s easy. I spend hours every day on each one, and they never turn out quite right. It helps that I don’t have a full-time job.”

More questions come, and he finds himself getting used to it. He thinks vaguely of Shizuo, wishes he were in bed with him instead of doing this crap.

Shiki corners him afterwards.

“Are you in a relationship?” He asks unexpectedly.

“Does it matter?”

Shiki reflects for a moment. “No, so long as she’s not the Yoko-Ono type.”

“Poor Yoko always gets such a hard time,” Izaya says, heaving a mental sigh of relief.

No-one knew about his 'relationship.' The one who probably had the closest idea was probably at the girl at the art shop, who would see him again and again with the same blonde guy who would buy him things, before they’d cross the street and go to Starbucks.

After a few more hours of torture and questions, and a significant amount of wine, he finds Shizuo in the crowd and escapes with him.

-

He wakes up early after the exhibition, and started drawing at the easel Shizuo bought for him, while Shizuo himself lazes around. 

His neck is starting to ache. As if reading his mind, Shizuo comes over and starts massaging his shoulders. Izaya leans back absently.

“You know you’ve been doing this for six hours,” Shizuo tells him. “You might wanna eat.”

“Hm,” he says vaguely, not taking his eyes off the his work.

“You know, I spoke to Shiki last night.”

“Hm,” Izaya says again.

“He said he didn’t know anything about some marketing scheme.”

Izaya frowns. For a moment he doesn’t know what Shizuo’s talking about. Then he cringes inside.

“You’re such a liar, Izaya-kun,” Shizuo says, nuzzling his hair.

“I’m busy, Shizu-chan,” Izaya huffs, elbowing him off. “Go eat some ice-cream or something.”

Shizuo laughs at him, and goes off to make food for them both.

“My sisters have been suspiciously quiet about all this,” Izaya muses later, slurping the noodles Shizuo had made for him. All is forgiven over food. “Except for the rabbits, they haven’t even…”

He trails off, catching the awkward expression on Shizuo’s face.

“Actually…”

Izaya stops eating, eyebrows raised

“I probably shouldn’t tell you. They gave me money to buy some of your stuff. Said it was because they couldn’t buy online cos they’re under 18, or something.”

“ _Really_ ,” Izaya says with contempt. Then he sees Shizuo isn’t joking. “Really?”

Well. He has so many commissions these days he barely has time for his own thoughts. A purple starling for Kasuka’s girlfriend. A black stallion for Celty - which took _forever_ , horses might be up there with parrots as impossible, though Celty seemed happy enough with the result

He flips through his Hokkaido book when he’s not working and when Shizuo is not here. He had always wanted to go there and draw the red-backed cranes in the snow, but it always seemed a silly and frivolous and sad thing to do alone. He feels like he knows Hokkaido off by heart from the book alone, where to buy the best doughnuts, whereabouts _A Wild Sheep Chase_ was set.

Shiki would let him go, if he could get enough work out of it to justify the cost. He’d have divide his time carefully between work and having sex with Shizuo though. But, he thinks he can pull that off.


End file.
